Someone emailed this to me a while ago. In the email, they claimed this "instrument" was real and was on display at some college in the south. Not only that, it was made from old farm equipment and was worth $10,000. There's no way this would work. Physics wouldn't allow it. Still, its pretty damn cool.
You know, theres something wrong with a town that, after you register to vote three different times, STILL doesn't put your name on the ballot. I go to vote for the Mass gov primaries, and my name isn't on the list. So they call the town hall. They dont have my name. Then they say that it must of gotten lost in the mail. Yeah, after you made me fill out the fracking voting card three times!! So now I have to wait until the Nov election to vote because they have to put my name in the computer. I have no faith that it will be in the computer come Nov.
Customers can be the stupidest, ignorant, arrogant, most demanding people. Its amazing some of them are still alive and havent been killed by their own stupidity or strangled by others. Some have gone so far as to let their kids destroy our gardens or eat tomatoes from the greenhouse when they arent allowed to be in there. If you want tomatoes, buy them from the store! and pick up after your damn children.
In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old...definitely pre-C.B.S.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later try,) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass.
and lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst red, and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his handiwork
Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it was funky.
And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." and it was good.
And more time passed, and , having little else to do, the man came to practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.
And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased. And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"
Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to dance, but that's another story.)
And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix, I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing loud, fast and high. the man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rock with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.
Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man.
And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of."
And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer."
"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thin ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass."
"And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the LOW notes. And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "WOW" but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night."
"And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go to the bar for a drink." And it was so.
Scooping ice cream. No really. It might seem like an easy job but its not. I too was fooled. One person is easy enough, small vanilla on a cone. Two people are mostly easy, small vanilla on a cone and a strawberry with the same. Where it gets tricky is when people give complecated orders, or they have a big crowd. Many people dont place simple orders with one flavor of ice cream cone, or dont order one at a time. There is only so many different cones you can remember in your head. If someone orders a mint chocolate chip and strawberry on the same cone, and a chocolate chip with vanilla on the same cone and are two different sizes and one is in a cup and one is in a cone, it becomes all blurred together very fast. You often dont get it all right and have to ask them to repeat it. "Oh sorry you wanted a small MINT chocolate chip cone, a large chocolate chip cone, and a small vanilla/strawberry in a cup." "Whoops. Hard to forget since its SIMPLE and all" (*hand/head*) Oh and the cones. Those are real high quality things. You scoop one scoop, the cone cracks. Two scoops, it breaks in half and falls into the other tub of ice cream. Annnd back to square one.
Its not that bad. Sometimes you get free ice-cream between waves of customers. Of course, by the time you get through the long lines of customers, the ice cream you scooped and put off to the side is all melted. I feel somewhat happy to see the thrilled faces of the children as you give them their ice cream, but there is a limit to how long I can take the high pitched voices of "ICE CREAM!! ICE CREAAAAM! WHERES MY COOKIE DOUGH? HE GOT MORE THAN ME! Then there are the fun conversations between toddlers and their parents as they fight over whether they can get a small instead of a kiddie. Just give the kid what he wants to he'll shut up. It may be too much but chances are most of it will fall off the cone when he tips it to the side or drops it.
At the end of the day I come home covered head to toe in ice cream thats really sticky. I gotta hand it to the ice cream scoopers of the world. They have a hard job. Im only doing it for a few months and im exhasted.
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